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my anti-social side??

I like to believe that I'm social. I grew up being a very quiet, very shy, awkward and socially illiterate person. I spent my middle school and high school days not knowing how to small talk w/ anyone. ANYONE. Let alone make someone want to befriend me. The issue bled into my family life as well. I could not, for the life of me, socialize with my cousins. I always ended up being the one cousin who had no idea how to play with all the other cousins, and I wondered if I was simply isolating myself and being a party pooper. Then college happened. And to my surprise, I made friends. TONS of friends. And after college, I've made even MORE friends. Not just acquaintances, but really great, quality friends that I'm proud to say I'm close with. I think I actually have at least 5 best friends now... a far cry from my high school days. But you know what? The family issue has not changed. My cousins from Canada are in town now, and I still find myself sitting alone, having absolutely nothing to talk about with my cousins. And they talk about things I have no clue about, which makes it more their fault- I'd like to think. WHY though??? Why can all the rest of my cousins get along, but not me? And they've grown up with eaqh other for just as long as I have. My cousin (we'll call her Beatrice) is closest to me in age but I feel we're the most competitive in the most indirect, unspoken way possible. Is that my insecurities getting the most of me? Well, anyways, she always has to rattle on and on about jargon that I obviously don't have a clue about, and all the other cousins totally encourage her bragging and get into long conversations with her, just totally praising her and feeding her ego. I can't seem to get a word in. I'm even lowering myself and making effort to build up her skyrocketing ego, but no luck for me... still the awkward, black sheep. I can't stand this. They talk politics, philosophy, economy, and it all sounds so fake. All she's trying to do is impress my older cousins, and they encourage her. It's so shallow and I hate it...mostly because I look even worse compared to her, and yeah, it sounds dumb, but it's true. I just hate when the people that irritate me are loved by everyone else. Well, anyways, that's all for now.