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Long Time No Blog

So much has happened to me this year...Good and BAD...alot of it too personal for me to Blog about. The last week I have been doing OK though...I am trying desperately to get things together. My apartment is somewhat clean and I actually have been somewhat motivated at work. Sometimes I just fall into a depression where I just don't feel like talking to anyone...or writing at all. I think in March into April I was pretty much rock bottom...struggling to get to work, work out...all I really wanted to do was eat..and drink. Its bad when you get up on the weekend and don't want to run the errands you need to do...and if you do, its no makeup and sweats...because your regular clothes don't fit no more. I was supposed to switch jobs, but that was put on hold so I could take over work for a pregnant coworker who will most likely not be back until late October. I new that was going to happen, I was just waiting for the hammer to fall. They know I'm dissapointed. But I have been so busy trying to learn the new stuff I haven't had much time to complain. And I like having my days full...and I'm striving for the motivation everyday, trying to keep a positive attitude. I was diagnosed with a life-long stress induced medical (not mental, though I have those issues too)problem on Valentine's Day....which I think triggered my slide. I take meds now everyday...and I have not had much of a problem since...which is a good thing as it was causing me to miss work. I can't take meds for the depression and anxiety. I have in the past, and it nearly killed me besides taking me up to an all time high of 173 lbs that I am still trying to get off. The only thing that works for me is exercise, the natural endorphins. I have been exercising like crazy...13 or more hours a week the last month, trying to get off the 12 lbs I have gained since starting this job. My main issue with the weight is not really the working out...obviously I do enough of that...it's the eating in front of the TV after work and the mindless munching at work (we have free food everywhere). So I made some lifestyle changes. I went to Sears and bought a decent no frills Nordictrack treadmill and stuck it in front of the TV. Up to this point I had resisted getting it because I don't have room for it. I did a reality check, not like anyone other than my father on Sunday before we run EVER comes to my apartment...so who cares if there is treadmill in the middle of the living area. I try not to watch any TV unless I am on the treadmill.I use the DVR to record all my shows so I can watch and walk commercial free. I just walk on it...no running..I do that 4 times a week already outside in the mornings. The last month I have been on that treadmill at least 3 times a week in addition to my running, eliptical, and weight training sessions. I have lost 6-7 lbs. Body hates me...blister on my right heel, left achilles, glute and IT band are all sore, as opposed to the right side last year. And I am exhausted most of the time...but a good exhausted. Another change I have made is I don't eat with the TV on. I actually sit down at my dining room table to eat dinner. As I am alone, I read the newspaper...but I still eat way to fast, like I haven't eaten for days..mindlessly. I am still working on the after dinner snacking and the snacking at work. We have good for you snacks here like fruit and yogurt but somehow I always go for the cheetos. I guess one step at a time, right??